Goldbox

Flourishing 12.1 nautical miles off the Santa Monica coast, floating sensation Goldbox makes full use of its location atop a decommissioned container ship under the jurisdiction of no sovereign nation to produce world-class, unscrupulously sourced cuisine. Breathtaking views of international waters surround diners as they tuck into foie gras, veal piccata, and poached bald eagle eggs served up by an efficient preteen waitstaff diligently working their way to freedom. Fresh live rabbits and monkeys flown in daily from Cuba and the Congo are cooked to the specifications of chef Blair Zamora, who believes that the most tender meat is produced by electrocuting the animal with a car battery. While a reservation is required to eat pitside at the nightly cockfight, Goldbox’s absinthe bar always has seats available thanks to its fast service and lack of any fire code. Guests are welcome to present either polar bear pelts or Sudanese oil stocks in lieu of cash or card, but any legal fees accrued upon their return to territorial waters are to be paid separately.