Chop Chop Chop Chop

Driven by his legions of fans to keep innovating at the expense of his health, renowned chef Keenan Oldfield’s most radical restaurant yet emphasizes the obsessive chopping of every dish into minuscule granules. After bursting onto the dining scene with the French avant-garde trendsetter La Chance, Chef Oldfield pulled off an impressive second act just one month later when he opened the raw food mecca Elise, a tribute to his soon-to-be ex-wife. In the next year alone, an increasingly gaunt Oldfield responded to rabid public demand with eight more experimental eateries, including It’s All Turnips, Ketchup World, and Knives-Knives Everywhere Around Me—a string of successes that culminated with Gloom, a minimalist masterpiece named for the only word the incessantly twitching chef could still mumble aloud. Those fortunate enough to score a seat at Chop Chop Chop Chop in Venice will relish the one-of-a-kind experience, especially if they visit on a night when a nude, whimpering Oldfield has enough energy to shamble through the dining room in search of a table to hide under.

Gratuity: 25 percent is customary given what these fine men and women have seen
Best Time To Go: After 8 p.m., when Chef Oldfield’s Klonopin starts kicking in
Dress Code: It is polite, but not required, to ladle au jus over one’s head in solidarity with Chef Oldfield, so dress accordingly
Health Grade: DSM-5 diagnostic codes F20.9 and 298.9
Kids Allowed: No, as the sight of blissful, innocent youth has been known to trigger depressive episodes for the chef