381,900: Patrons each week who see communal tables and walk right out
109,492: Garnishes hastily shoved aside per day
844: Restaurant-goers who look like Jack Nicholson until you get closer
5,806: French fries stolen weekly by pedestrians walking past patio tables
2 HOURS: Length of time chef Niki Nakayama spends every night trying to wash the smell of $200-a-plate Japanese haute cuisine out of her clothing
215: Dine-and-dashers shot on sight by valets in 2018
2,645,107: Diners who disastrously allowed the enjoyment of their entree to cloud their perception of how their date went
90: Decibel level of the conversation carrying on at the next table
$67.2 MILLION: Total value of entrees left unfinished in order to avoid missing Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom showtime
6: Existing restaurant dishes that are empirically better than just staying home and ordering an extra-large cheese pizza
559: Organic juice bars competing for 127 regular customers
1,169: Celebrities who do not want to talk to some stranger; 27 who are desperate to
21,917,808: Beaks added to landfills by LA’s dining scene annually
89%: Citywide success rate of pronouncing “agghiotta di lumache”
113: Jukeboxes set off accidentally by bar fights each year
1,468: Movie premises scrawled on napkins casually thrown into trash can every night
7 MONTHS: Average age of cheddar citywide